There are moments when saying no
feels heavier than carrying the very thing
we have been asked to give.
I remember a friendship
that once felt like a place of safety,
two young hearts sharing a room,
a season,
and the beautiful illusion
that familiarity would always mean understanding.
We had our separate dreams
and the same roof above our heads.
But while I learned to count my days
and make provisions for tomorrow,
she seemed content to spend tomorrow’s bread today.
Each new semester brought its familiar story:
empty pockets, hurried shopping,
and the sudden need for someone else’s rescue.
Then came the request
a sum of money too large to lend,
especially to someone
who had mistaken carelessness for confidence.
I said no.
And suddenly,
the friendship that had survived so many ordinary days
could not survive one ordinary boundary.
I became stingy,
unfriendly,
a terrible person in stories
I had never been invited to hear.
Anger settled inside me
like an unwelcome guest that refused to leave.
I withdrew my words,
withheld my presence,
and allowed silence to say
what my wounded pride could not express.
Eventually, other friends intervened.
The storm passed,
and the matter was settled.
But something remained with me:
the understanding that kindness
should never require the destruction of one’s peace.
I have learned
that not everyone who asks deserves an answer of yes,
and not every refusal is an act of cruelty.
Sometimes,
the most honest thing we can offer someone
is the truth about what we cannot give.
For a heart can remain generous
without becoming a place
where everyone comes to make withdrawals.
And if my no makes me a stranger
in a friendship that only understands yes,
perhaps I have not lost as much
as I once feared.
Poet’s bio
Tomileye E. Abolaji is a Legal Counsel, author, and performance poet who blends intellect with a passion for creative expression. With over eight years of experience in the legal profession, she has developed considerable expertise in litigation and dispute resolution. Beyond the courtroom, she is a passionate storyteller who uses poetry to articulate universal emotions, reflections, and truths. Her work as a performance poet has taken her creative voice across Nigeria and the United Kingdom, connecting deeply with diverse audiences.